The Similarities in Youth and Age

While young, one is constantly frustrated by the lack of control one has over various things in life; from bedtime, to diet, to activities. Upon reaching adulthood, one finds that, this lack of control is every bit as pervasive; we have no control over the wealth, or lack thereof, that we are born into, the diet we carry over from our location and childhood, and various other anecdotes. The difference, of course, is that the things out of control in adulthood are routinely labeled as in our control by others, and that we could all be wealthy if we truly tried harder, just as a young child could try harder to skirt their rules. Such equivalency, of course, is false.

Forgetting

At roughly 4:30 AM this morning, the present author was both awake and aware of their present surroundings, given that the surroundings were a bedroom in which the present author most always sleeps. It occurs during that time that the present author had inspiration for a blog post, one which created a sense of satisfaction at the subject of said post. The present author went over the presumed future post in their head several times, in order to commit it to memory. Alas, the present author woke up with no actual ability to recall what the post was to be about. Given that we know that the post would be, as always, of poor quality, this is likely not a major loss.

Lack of Quality

It's readily apparent, looking back upon my many posts on this site, that quality was never a feature of the writing here. It is equally apparent that the posts I once considered to be some of my best were clearly poorly written diatribes. What this means, ultimately, is that likely every post is of poor quality, and apologies are due for any of those who are subjected to them. Like all things, given enough time, the creator will have grown and changed in a way as to admonish their previous work. Such are the complexities of creating and publishing something; will years after the book has faded from shelves, one hate it in the same way they chide their old blogs, or diaries, or what have you? What is the point of constructing something physical, unchangeable, if guaranteed to eventually disavow it?

Spring Malaise

Whereas a winter malaise is brought upon by the seemingly never-ending grey and cold, a spring malaise is brought upon by the seemingly never-ending realization that while the seasons may change, our inability to constitute happiness does not. This is different from summer malaise, in which one is stuck reflecting on youth passed by and wasted days, and fall malaise, in which one is reminded of the futility of existence by the coming of shorter days and the arrival of winter.

There is No Right Answer

If given many contradictory truths, one finds that, to freeze up and do nothing is, ultimately, the most common response. Consider the following:

It is better for the economy at large to spend and not save money
It is better for an individual's future to save money
You can not take your money with you when you die, and attempting to do so means you gave away your labor for free
Spending away your money early leaves you much more open to economic calamity

Given all these truths, analysis paralysis would appear to be the modus operandi, and indeed, one in which the current author most often resides.

The Nihilism of Practice

If, as modern science corroborates, practice doesn't make perfect, and that innate predisposition explains much of a human's ability to do something well or pick up a new skill, one wonders how much one should continue to practice their passion in a vain attempt to make a living off of it, given exceedingly disappointing results.

New Living Space

I have now lived in my current house for several years, its creaks and moans and noises now more than familiar to me, but there was an adjustment period, certainly. How the steps seem to groan, the front door seems to shake the whole house, things that were all new to me when in bed at night or at my desk during the evening. These little things fascinate me and we talk so little about them, how they can make the transition to a new living space a bit more nerve-wracking for those who suffer from grandiose fears. We talk about getting used to a new neighborhood or a new commute, but rarely just the very sounds and smells a house makes and emits. I'm sure, in several more years, I'll be going through the same process again, relearning things that slowly become the familiar aesthetic of the day.

Having Things to Look Forward To

It's a well-researched fact that just the act of planning something like a vacation lifts the spirits and promotes better mood. So it is that this summer is a busy one for me, featuring a return to Chicago for Pitchfork Music Fest; and then a 2+ week trip to Vietnam, Thailand, and Malaysia, that is now well along into planning stages. Of course, if one can look forward to such things, one can also look beyond such things, to a post-summer time of no plans, no trips, and winter cold. Alas, the cost of said trips is quickly draining my accounts and will render me unable to travel by my 30s, but until then, I shall endeavor to make the most of my still relative youth. Dealing with the realities of both aging, and financial reckoning, is something that makes it appear as though the next decade of my life will not be a particularly pleasurable one, but I suppose that is not terribly new or unique. We can not see the future, but I can see, finally, the future reality of visiting another continent and more countries, something that I have been planning, frustratingly, for many years. One only hopes that everything goes well.

Kid

You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You are never too old to be a kid at heart.
You can welcome it back, not too late to start.