Tuesday, July 12, 2011


So, next time I go to my psychiatrist, I am going to try (key word "try") to bring up something that bothers me.

I can't be still.

When I stand, I rock back and forth, near constantly. When I sit, I often move a leg, and I very often shrug my shoulders. I find myself moving up jaw around a lot.

I didn't think anything of it, I didn't even realize it, until a couple days ago when I was rocking back and forth, and my sister asked if I could be still for a moment. So I sat down. That didn't work. I started shaking my leg. She asked me again to stay still.

It's very possible these are just bad habits I am developing. I already pick my nails and crack my neck. But this weird restlessness, is, well, weird. Like, if I stay motionless for a period of time, I get physically uncomfortable. But, it's better to ask, right?

Since I am ranting right now, I'd like to mention something that is getting more and more annoying by the day. That is the act of conversation.

Now, I haven't liked talking to people or listening to people talk in a long time. But it's getting worse. The act of talking physically annoys me. Some dude at work kept making small talk to me today, and it got so annoying that I did something I rarely do; I snapped online. I was talking with some friends in a chat and I just started typing profanities in all caps, silently yelling at them that I wanted my coworker to can it. Talking is just killing me, seriously. It's a lot like physical contact; if I could avoid it forever, I might. Physical contact makes me wretch away, listening to talking or talking myself is getting to that point too. Woo~!