you missed it

you hear people complain about obligations to friends and you get it. it's pressuring. a wedding you can't afford to go to. a game night or movie night you really can't make. saying no. making time for yourself. and it takes work and upkeep. but you missed it. you remember in washington dc with a good friend years ago, your first time out and socializing in years and years. two women approached and the four of you flirted and laughed and got drunk and ate 2am jumbo slice pizza. it was a highlight amongst a trip full of sights and museums and skyscrapers. you missed it. you missed late night drives to lansing with your mcdonalds coworkers to crash a msu party your friend was going to, and even though you didn't drink with your friends, you all laughed and talked and played rock band.

on saturday you slept in with your fiancée then went shopping and got some cool things and took it easy. you cuddled and napped. at night you had friendsgiving and ate way too much mexican food, then you all went to your place and got drunk and high and laughed so much it hurt.

you missed it. you missed relationships before you even had them, and you missed friendship after you had said goodbye to it for good. now you have both and you could never ever go back. even the commitment, the work, the cleaning the place up, the cleaning yourself up, the driving, whatever, it's all worth it, when before the laughter and drinks and food and too much money spent, there was just you, on a friday or saturday or sunday night, deciding how much xanax should go with how much alcohol, eying the blade on your nightstand, wondering why you couldn't be put out of your own misery. you had that past and it was awful. you're no social butterfly. but maybe you've spread your wings a bit. that's all that can really be asked.