Meeting Quotas

It's just a number, right? Not a character judgement. I guess it is in a way. Your character - your fitness - is judged by GPA. By income. By size of living space. By friend counts. By hours performed. Two minutes in bed isn't enough. Fun for everyone is the goal. Not just dudes. Where were you? Oh yeah. The service is so fast. Just a number. Coffee is out so quick. Saves you time. Time to go somewhere else and squeeze it in. It is work, I suppose. Always work to be done.

Four posts a month for October, November, December means you'd have written three more posts than 2017. An improvement! But wait; in terms of word count you've already blown past it. Earlier this year you wrote a four part blog post series with something like 30 thousand words. Does the post count matter? You're still down like 60% from a few years ago. You haven't written fiction in a couple years. This is the longest break in awhile. That's your passion, dude. You've wanted to be a writer for awhile. Since first grade. Sure it waxes and wanes but your number is small. It's zero. You can't write a story if you don't write a story.

The bank account matters. It's small now. You want so bad to wake up to the sounds of traffic in Kuala Lumpur or Penang or Ho Chi Minh or Singapore or anywhere really.

They say age is just a number, right? But your back hurts from your office chair and your skin is dry and your feet get sore when trapped in shoes for a long time.

In 20 minutes the washer will be done. The dryer will take longer. You can do the dishes in the meantime. Fit it all in. Work quota. You napped this morning, a mistake.

Your academic forgiveness was denied and your wage hasn't been upped in years. It won't be. I guess both make sense. The quotas that matter most say that you matter the least. Or at least, that you weren't good enough to matter more than that. There are people who think you matter. You hang onto them tight because they are all you have and all you need. But this is adulthood, some friends fade and disappear. You haven't had a heart to heart with your travel friend in many months. So it goes.

The toaster dings behind the counter. The coffee place is busier than usual. They will meet their sales quota today. The underemployed employees might make more money in tips. Another college says "no" to you, vain attempt to finish something you know you can't. That's ok. You'd say no to yourself if you could.

The number is one. It's one person who loves you more than anything. I guess as far as numbers go that's actually pretty great. That's 100%. More than a lot of people. More than your grades or your wage. It's not a quota. It is an incredible feeling. Someone said yes to you. Maybe you would too deep down.