you found someone who found you

if your body is a temple or a home or a vehicle or or or… does anyone know? you never treated your body as anything more than a hindrance, a casually exploited vessel that held so many of your insecurities. you never found yourself. your friends would dye their hair or pick their own clothes or get a cool new haircut and all you've known is ridicule. almost 30 and still your mom criticizes your hair, your stomach, your clothes, every single facet of your body is her's to pass judgement on and always has been. your friends would do the same, the clothes you didn't pick out lambasted and your paltry, scrawny, young looking frame a target verbally and physically. lately you found someone you found yourself with. you feel like you can do the things to the temple you never have. your color is different, you try things, some might not work but the learning has to occur. you show her clothes you try on and it's hard and anxiety inducing at first when you see someone else besides her standing there, but you know that she is not your mother, not waiting for a chance to pounce at something not looking good enough - to her you will always look good enough.  it took someone else to make you feel like you had command over yourself. might sound just like a guy, sound like a romcom, sound like a cliché, sound like a weakness, sound like a subplot, sound like growth, what other people think it is doesn't matter. just like what you do to the temple. it's a gift you will never look back upon.