linger

other than relationships - like, you know, partners, - you haven't had a one-to-one friend meeting since your trip to Asia, and even that had such a massive context with it (in SE Asia) that it never felt "on the spot." you haven't shot the shit with a friend, just one friend, over coffee for such a long time you struggle to remember when you last did. you haven't gone over to someone's house just to "hang." like many social skills, you wonder if the atrophy has rendered it forever flawed. 

he invites you and another for cigars and whiskey but the 'another' can't make it. just you and him. cigars and whiskey. socially distanced in a garage with the door open. he's kind of an intense dude, you don't agree on everything. you'd find a way out of it if it wasn't for the fact that you need to get out of the house a bit, your wife will be at work anyways, and you can't lie in bed catatonic with sadness if you're smoking a cigar and drinking whiskey.

it's only 80 minutes or so, certainly not a long commitment, but it flies by. conversation is natural. you think for a second how much you've missed this. you think for many seconds how remarkable it is you've done this. it took the kind of support and love only she could offer. she talks you down from thinking you can't do anything, that you'll make a fool of yourself. you feel happy after the chat, look forward to it again. it's cliche and unremarkable but you remember that as flawed as your last counselor was, just literally talking and using human language often lifted your spirits a bit. but then there's a different voice that starts to talk in your head about how you got lucky, you'll run out of stuff to talk about next time, you'll bore him like you'll eventually bore your wife like like like. who knows? that voice will always linger. much like the taste of cigar in your mouth the next day. but in the cold with a sip of whiskey? it all actually felt right.