Friday, July 31, 2015

Looking Forward Looking Backward

It occurs to the present author that, for many years, the weekend was something to look forward to. It meant, during early school years, freedom from homework and classwork. It meant, during later school years, freedom from bullying and difficult tests and projects. It meant, during college, freedom from a violent, criminal roommate.

Given that the present author strongly detests the current employment maintained by said author, it stands to reason that weekend would still be something to look forward to. Instead, due to an ever-present strain of ennui, weekends have actually become something to not look forward to, as angst, boredom, and loneliness often conspire to render them even more unpleasant than an already unpleasant week. The weekends, then, become a 48+  hour ordeal of survival, of trying to maintain some sort of activity and avoid the mental traps that render one both habitually depressed and hopeless. That these ordeals have been survived, albeit extremely poorly so far, is a condemnation of the present author's ability to both maintain a decent life and to find enjoyment and pleasure in things. That today is also a Friday, and the last day before the weekend really kicks off, is not something that the author has lost sight of. Let the anxiety and pernicious waiting game begin.

6 comments:

  1. Let's have a Rocket League marathon!

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  2. I tried keeping track of what I did each weekend on a Sticky Note. Looked at it a month later and it was depressing that I did so much of nothing. I stopped expecting that I was going to get anything "productive" done on weekends.

    And that's OK.

    I may not be doing something this weekend that I'll remember in a couple of months, but I've made my peace with the fact that in retrospect, most weekends are just going to be a blur of video games and reddit.

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    Replies
    1. Holy crap, how's it going dude?

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    2. Can't complain I guess. I've been working in an audit firm for the past couple of years. Still watching anime, just not writing about it. Kind of want to, just to make me forget how cringe-worthy my blog posts were. Ugggh :\

      And you seem to be doing well man :) I still think of you whenever I stumble across the title Place Promised in Our Early days!

      Hope you're in touch with Elena! She's doing awesome :D

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    3. Glad to hear you're doing alright!

      Heh, I need to rewatch it, it's been a few years. If nothing else at least for the soundtrack.

      And yeah, we're still in touch. :)

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